Just Breathe

I wish I could Apparate. I think that the looming flight is distracting me more than anything is right now. For the past couple of nights I’ve dreamt that I’m already there, then wake up feeling all discombobulated. It’s weird, not being at Knox, knowing that everyone’s in class. And I’m beginning to struggle with the fact that I can’t hit pause on my home/school life while I’m gone, something that the pre-departure manual warned about (being Skyped into Union Board meetings, sadly, isn’t going to happen).

I spent a few days at Knox (I won’t even attend Knox a full academic year until my senior year. Weird.), saying goodbye, putting off packing even more, trying not to be nervous. Why do I keep putting myself in situations outside of my comfort zone? To become more independent, to help myself understand who I am, who I can become, what I should do, what I want to do, to grow as a person, to understand the world better, to stop worrying so much, etc. That kinda stuff.

More visits, a bit of random exasperated pointing, several phone calls and some singing to inanimate objects and I’m packed. Suitcases have this amazing trick: when they’re empty, they look like you could fit your entire closet in them. Then, as soon as you put one item in, even just a pair of socks—they shrink. Yet, somehow I managed to fit two weeks’ worth of clothing and still have room to spare (Conclusion: I MUST BE FORGETTING SOMETHING).

If all goes according to plan (because traveling is always so easy), my flight will leave at 2:22 tomorrow afternoon. I’m meeting up Lauren, another student in the program, and we’ll fly into Frankfurt together, then join a few other students to make the final flight into Florence. I had one teensy little panic attack earlier when I realized that my flight itinerary had changed—I thought I had been moved to a different flight, but it turns out the airline changed it. As you can tell, I don’t have a lot of experience with flying. I don’t like take-offs or landings, but I do like the feeling of being able to look down on the clouds (like Georgia O’Keeffe’s Sky Above Clouds IV). I’m not sure if I have a window seat, but I have an in-flight movie, Sudoku puzzles, The Fellowship of the Ring, and a fully charged iPod full of Lady Gaga, R.E.M., Hank Green, and various show-tunes to entertain me. And potential naptime, of course.

I’ve double and triple and quadruple checked all of my lists and luggage and everything else (Amanda and my Mom can vouch for this). The only thing left to do…is go.